Thematic structure
| Metatheme: one chance to get it right | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Theme 1 Parents experiences; enduring and multiple loss | Theme 2 Parent needs: making irretrievable moments precious | Theme 3 (Lack of) care in the caring: the best care possible to the worst imaginable | |||
| Beyond distress: Bowled over by the horror… | Premonition Horrible journey of discovery inability to protect Wounded emotionally Blame, guilt, regret, grief, fear, silence abandonment Unexpectedness pressure (to make decisions); being driven to anger | Memories to last forever: A lifetime of memories in a few hours | Importance of memories Time to process Options: changing choices over time (‘I wish…’) Need for staff to direct as well as suggest | Casual inhumanity: ‘everything you can imagine they shouldn't do, they did’ | Lacking: Time (time delay), respect, competence, engagement, empathy, consistent and comprehensible treatment Denying: Medicalising grief, concerns dismissed, discouragement of investigations, inadequate science / research, broken promises / trust |
| Separation and loss: I was just lost, really lost… | Can't talk to people Different from previous experience Distant from staff (geographically/needs) Parted from child | Caritas: A generalised human love for each other in bad times… | It's the small things… Giving time, care for father of the baby Emotional engagement, caring touch, hugs, seeing the baby as a loved child | Positive caring in the care: ‘they hold a special place in our lives’ | Being: Emotionally intelligent, experienced, intuitive, humane, Giving: Reassurance, support, advocacy, information, normality back |
| What could have been: he was just perfect… | Incredible rush of love Peace of mind / coping Altruism/answers for us and for others | Filling the gap someone to help you and guide you… | Guidance Managing expectations, being flexible, guidance, protection (exhibit/receive), experience Planning for the future Need to care for partner/baby's siblings Aftercare/counselling SB prevention/awareness Space for bereaved parents | Providing: Continuity of care, personal connection / relationship, good communication (to parents, to fellow professionals). | |
| Wider Impacts: there is just too much of me missing… | Loss of capacity to trust (self, professionals) to manage job, family, mental health Feeling sorry for others/responsible for their sadness Family tragedy | Necessary knowledge: The truth…… is hard and cold | Needing answers Information Harsh facts | ||